from an old journal

The New Year’s Cycle Continues

Another year begins and old resolutions become new resolutions again.  Every year at this time, we find ourselves at a crossroads.  We evaluate our decisions made and the future ahead.  We establish new goals and look forward to the changes that will take place over the course of the next year.  We ponder, we reflect, we ponder some more.  We come to the realization that acting on our goals is the best way to accomplish what we want for the year.

This year, my list is short:

Live everyday as if was the last, stop complaining and start loving and living, be grateful and be at peace!

I expect this simple motto to take me thru the rest of this and every future year.  At this point in my life, that’s the only thing I can wish for, it is the only thing I can do.  I’d been tired, and complaining drags me down even more. Gratefulness calms down the anxiety of life.

At the beginning of every year I promise to be a better self, physically, mentally and emotionally.  This year I choose to be grateful. I’ll speak less and listen more.  I promise to keep calm, breath deep, and to think more and react less.

The best way to accomplish this year’s resolutions is to take one day at a time.  To live for today, because tomorrow may never get here. Choosing to write a better story every day, keeping in mind that, although tomorrow may never come, there is always the hope that it will and I can start with a clean slate every morning.

This year I choose to be happy, I choose to be grateful, I chose to be at peace.

WOW! Has it been this long since the last time I blogged here? Time flies when you are having fun, I guess!

It has been a season of changes! It will be 2 years this month since we went to Puerto Rico. Our dear friend Sherry Bliss, who went with us to PR, passed away in the summer of 2007! Talk about putting life into perspective! She was someone that was healthy during our trip, found out 6 months later the she had cancer, and died within the year of being diagnosed. Sherry was 36!

Sherry put up a fight in her months battling cancer! And in her struggles she taught us many lessons. She taught us patience, and love, and the importance of friendship. However the most important gift she gave us, was the understanding that life is too short to fret about!

Don and I have had many ups and downs since then. Our business was slow last year, and our focus was spread in multiple endeavors. Personally, we have experience many changes, emotionally and spiritually and we continue to grow on a daily basis.

After attending Millionaire Mind Intensive training in Atlanta on September, 2007, our lives turned into a rollercoaster of change, for the best if I may say. We have established different behavior patterns that allow for our personal development on a daily basis. We journal every day, meditate, read books with a positive message, and practice the principles taught by the Law of Attractions. Sometimes we see as results may take some time to come around to us. Other times they show up as synchronistic subtleties or very strongly in the form of a cosmic 2 by 4, as we lovingly call it!

As we head into one more personal development training, we are exited to say that we are enjoying life changes as they present themselves. Most times everything follows our thinking strategy. Sometimes, when things don’t seem to go as planned, they are gentle reminders to correct our course by correcting our blueprint.

We have learned the hard way that what we resist persist, and that we manifest into our lives whatever we hold in our thought! Be careful what you wish for, we often say to each other in a loving way, for we understand the power of focusing on that which we don’t want, instead of on that which we do want. (I know, it doesn’t make sense to me sometimes either… go along with it… ponder about it!)

Richard Bach says that life is for fun and learning… when you are not having fun, it means you are learning! I happen to agree with that! And on the odd chance that you find yourself reading this, I wish you fun in life! Although, every once in a while, learning is also good for the heart and soul!

In the meantime, Be @ Peace!

For all of you who understand Spanish, here is a poem I wrote for Father’s Day in 1981.

Gracias Papá…

Since the early 90’s, when I first started studying A Course in Miracles on a regular basis, the best idea that ever came to my mind was this: “Remember to Practice, Practice to Remember!” Almost 12 years had gone by, and still that phrase comes to mind very often.

I just finished reading “The Disappearance of the Universe” by Gary Renard. All this time, I’ve put up my studying the Course because I find it too simple to understand at the intellectual level. I used to say to my Course instructor all the time “I get it, this world and everything in it, is all an illusion! Then, what am I still doing here?”

Ever since middle school, I’ve always talked about Heaven and Hell as being a state of mind. I’d never believe in sin the way Christianity presents it either. And when we die, I believe we would be reunited with the all Loving Mind of God. In a way and before ever seeing the Course, I’ve always agreed with what it has to say. I understand the illusions of the world. I understand the trap of the Ego. I also understand that there are only two emotions, Love and Fear and that when I’m not choosing Love, I’m living in Fear!

In the meantime, I was struggling with having been laid off from a job, not having enough money, keeping or loosing my marriage, and other events that not only added drama to my life, but also fed the Ego’s plan to distract me from the path. The best way for me to refocus my mind away from the Ego’s perverted plan was to often read my own words: “Remember to Practice, Practice to Remember!”

Renard’s book opened up a new door regarding the practice of the principles taught by the Course. This book provided me with a new view and understanding of the practice of forgiveness. Accepting responsibility for my actions is more than just stopping the judgment against others, but also against myself. And by forgiving others, forgiveness is also granted to me, then repairing the error that no one committed in the first place.

I see now that there are so many forgiveness lessons for me to learn. That’s why am still here! I’m still dealing with the seeming “reality” of this world. I still fall for Ego’s trap. The movie presented to us in our everyday life shows us a sick world. Bigger conflicts develop, the politics, the wars, immigration, all issues affecting this country and the world, are just louder ways for the Ego to distract us, or better yet, to lure us into the trap of accepting this world as the only reality there is. And that once we died, there is nothing else for us but hell and condemnation for our sinful lives.

“Remember to Practice, Practice to Remember” is the best tool I’ve found to apply the principles of forgiveness that the Course presents to us. Practice makes perfect! Remembering to practice the principles of A Course in Miracles will eventually help us remember to forgive on a regular basis. Practicing forgiveness, allows us to remember the truth of who we truly are, eventually rendering useless the power of the Ego over us.

I guess is never to late to continue learning and asking the Holy Spirit to intervene in helping us connect to the truth of our being, that we may eventually accept forgiveness and be reunited in the all Loving presence of God.

In the meantime, let us remember to practice the forgiveness that will allow us to remember the truth of our oneness with God!

Namaste!

A new year has begun and it’s time to get writing. I haven’t blogged since November and I’ve been missing it!

Since then, I’ve spent New Year’s with my family in Puerto Rico, went to Topsail Island, North Carolina for a much-needed vacation, and am currently preparing for a 10-day trip back to Puerto Rico in early spring.

It’d been a while since my last trip home! I hadn’t visited the island since June 2002. A lot of things have changed! San Juan is more crowded and the roads are more congested. Being there for 3 days, however, and on a holiday weekend was only a teaser! It’s not enough time to enjoy such a beauty of a place.

When we go back in March, we will be visiting family and friends, and great places around the island, including el Yunque, the Arecibo Observatory, the Camuy Caverns, la Parguera, Old San Juan, and Ponce! In addition, our visit would never be complete without our traditional Family Bowling Outing. We are looking forward to having a good time and lots of fun.

Our trip to Topsail Island, North Carolina was relaxing and uneventful. We truly gave new meaning to the phrase “doing nothing slowly”. We spent most our time at the apartment, reading and writing and relaxing. We went out for dinner one time and we drove to Atlantic Beach to find the restaurant we wanted. We shopped, we slept late, we rested, and took only one walk on the beach.

When it was time to leave, we hated returning home! It is so peaceful out there compare to the hectic life we live, that it’s sad to get back home. Granted that we had 3 cats waiting for us and that we didn’t see for 10 days. They made our arrival home so much better. We all were looking forward to seeing one another.

For now we will continue planning our trip!

My stepson wrote and gave me this beautiful poem for my birthday!

Please enjoy!

I Have Dreams

by Brian Carpenter
11/2005

I have dreams of bravery and fright.
I have dreams of the bright day and the dark night.
I have dreams of the right and wrong.
I have dreams of slaves on the grounds and kings on thrones.
I have dreams of Alexander the Great.
I have dreams of Love and Hate.
I have dreams of a country field.
I have dreams of a Knight in a brass shield.
I have dreams of Heaven and dreams of Hell.
I have dreams of a sacred church bell.
I have dreams of Peace and dreams of War.
Do I have enough dreams or should I have more?

After reflecting about life and the challenges it can bring us, we often find ourselves at a crossroads. There is always a decision to make. When we look at life from that perspective, we recognize opportunities in everything we do.

Life is Choices! The choices we make determine the life we live. Many moons ago I had an experience that changed my life. Ever since I’ve long for a time when I can feel as I did that moment in time.

A friend of mine took me to the beach in San Juan. That day I wanted answers to the many questions I had about my life. I took a walk by the shore, and later, sat on the rocks contemplating a precious sunset.

As the night fell, I saw the reflection of the full moon rising over the waves. I had a perfect view of the Convention Center’s outdoor stage and noticed lines of yacht lights come to life at a distance. However, staring at the reflection of the moon as it rose over the water, I felt an overwhelming presence that sweep over me. It was a tidal wave of emotions that overpowered me. I strongly felt the presence of God whispering, “Peace, be still.” I closed my eyes and sang one of my favorite hymns.

Tears ran down my face as I ponder the message I’d received. I realized with sudden understanding that the enchantment of that moment was the answer I’d been waiting for. I made a promise that day to live life and every day, as if it is the last one I’d ever have.

I’d heard people say that you could go so fast in life that you can meet yourself on the road! More over, I’ve met myself on the road many times since my experience. I’ve spent years walking among others always feeling alone. Always seeing the destruction caused by my forgetfulness. Every so often, I’d found myself at an ocean shore longing again for that time of communion where I once found that overwhelming love, peace and joy.

Today, I wonder, how I can recapture that overwhelming feeling once more. What have I forgotten all this time? Is it looking within to find the wholeness, peace, and love of God or, is it discovering that peace is a feeling that always abides in my heart.

Most of what I’ve learned in the past years agrees that in order to change our lives we ought to change our thinking. Recently however I’ve been reading more and more that we also ought to change our emotions.

Our feeling attract what we want. Seeing what we want already manifested in our lives brings it to us, but when we also add the emotions of what it feels like to have what we want, it becomes a more powerful request.

I used to get a reading once a year from a dear friend, every 1st of the year she would send an email with the results of her reading. The email subject was always Bloom where you are planted. She always reminded me that the reading was only a possible future. Living in the present moment is more important, but remembering to mold our future as we trod along the way, is always a better choice!

Life is a series of events, some are to our liking, but most of them are not. It’s easier to choose our personal battles when we can remember this.

Life is also all about choices. At every point in our life when we decide where we are going, we leave behind a whole other set of posibilities. Moving forward in one direction means moving away from another direction.

How many times in life have we wonder if we’d taken the right turn? It’s like wanting to get somewhere and driving two different routes. How many times we wished we have made better decisions in all? These questions are not about regret, but about the choices we make!

I had a dream a while ago where I was trying to reach an airport platform. When I got to a fork on the road, I took the left side of the road, while most of the group I was following took the right side. For a moment I thought that I had taken the wrong turn on the road. Even though I arrived at my destination, I was looking at it from the opposite side.

Life presents us with many posibilities. With every decision the path that is laid out behind us represent our past. Our future, however is open in front of us. The past is what we know. The future are the decision we must make!

Have you ever thought about the paths we didn’t take? They are the alternate us that took other paths. How does their wisdom going to affect the life we live? Most times we don’t think anything of them, they are just forgotten the minute we make a decision. But, are they trully forgotten?

I don’t think so, I believe that most times we recognize them as regrets in our lives. Have you ever thought for a moment, what if we could talk to these alternate us? What would they teach us and what would we learn?

As I sit here contemplating the choices I’ve made in life, I ponder the possibilities! What if one day I could talk to them all! What would they say?